Even though no food has ever contained trans fat, scientists have finally unlocked the secrets of what trans fat is.

It took us years of research and several rounds of federal grants, but we have finally unlocked the secrets of trans fat – Dr. Mueller

The FDA is currently re-evaluating its requirement that every single piece of food sold in the US contain the “0g of trans fat label” on them.

I really can’t remember why we forced food companies to use the 0g of trans fat label on all food. I think Bill was the one that decided that back in 2008. Just a minute, let me find Bill. Oh wait, he left for the ATF a few months ago…nevermind -Josh Braunstein, Director of Labels at the FDA

Dr. Mueller believes the potential for trans fat will solve many of society’s problems, like world hunger, world peace and curious guys who just want to have a good time while drunk.