Democrat voters narrowed their options for the 2020
Democratic presidential nomination from 20+ candidates to two finalists. Included in the rejected group were several women, a Latino, gay, Asian, and African-American humans as well as extra terrestrial beings (in the case of Marianne Williamson).

Throughout the primary and debate process, candidates espoused their support for diversity including the topics of police profiling, border restrictions, gay marriage, reparations and equality in pay for women.

However, Democrat voters decided to support their straight, Anglo-Saxon brother by selecting Joe Biden in several contests on Super Tuesday.

After maintaining a slight lead in delegate counts after Super Tuesday, Sanders supporters showed their overwhelming support by flying a Nazi flag at one of his large rallies.

Voters considered nominating a female nominee in 2020 who would go on to become the first female president in US history, but after their cybernetic unit failed to win the 2016 election due to failed Toshi power converter, they opted against it.

An area man has been accused by several female dogs of unwanted advances & kisses in the wake of many big name celebrities having similar accusations filed against them.

Marcus Sanford, who works as local TV anchor has issued an apology admitting that he did in fact kiss the dogs even though they did not want it. The female dogs would frequently turn their heads away in an act to show Sanford they did not want to be kissed. Sanford allegedly use a high pitched voice when trying to kiss the dogs as a way to entice them to want to kiss him back. He also used food as a way to lure the dogs into his embrace by cutting up hot dogs and holding them out for the dogs to eat after which, he would hold the canines in his arms and not let them go.

Sanford, who has been fired from Channel 2 news, had his retirement taken away, denied unemployment, blacklisted by all other employers, is now also going through a divorce with his wife of 20 years and is receiving death threats on the internet after the allegations came out.

“Im going 2 murder u sanford. I would murder your family but they already hate you your worse then a child molester” -Internet Death Threat.

Ranging in age from 3 to 10 (or 21 to 70 in dog years), a number of the accusers spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation from the dog owner. The female’s allegations share striking similarities, describing how Sanford rubbed their bellies and legs and would try to kiss them on the mouth. The dogs would frequently ‘shake off’ after being touched by Sanford, a sign of unwanted affection.

“It is essential that these dogs know I hear them and that I deeply apologize,” Sanford said in a statement. “I am greatly embarrassed. I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility for that. I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken.”

Unable to find a job ever again, Sanford was last seen at a homeless shelter after having been kicked out of his house during the divorce.

After a long hard fight against presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders has announced he’s suspending his campaign.

“Words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you my true friends who have helped me in waging this courageous battle,” he said. “When I got into this 8 months ago I had no doubt that it would be anything but a tough fight. And it is a tough fight. But I have always been drawn to a tough fight.”

“He ran an energetic and honorable campaign – leading the field with the most bold progressive policy proposals, and he successfully pushed the other candidates on gun safety, immigration, and climate policy,” the sources said.

PETA has called for a vicious murderer of African Gazelle’s to be hanged.

“Hunting and stalking animals is a coward’s pastime.” – PETA CEO

The serial killer has killed over 45 Gazelle in his lifespan, often sneaking up on them and killing them without warning.

“The photograph of this killer, smiling over the corpse of another “animal, will disgust every caring soul in the world.” – PETA CEO

The PETA statement wrapped up with the following conclusion –

“All wild animals are beloved by their own mates and infants, but to hunters like this murderous coward, they are merely targets to kill, decapitate and eat.” – PETA CEO

After a much hyped interview with Diane Sawyer, congressman Ron Paul (R, TX)  admitted last night that he is a woman.

“For all intents and purposes, I am a woman” – Paul

Paul, announced that from now on, he would like to be known as RuPaul. His wife plans to stay with him, but his Republican son Rand Paul does not support his decision. “I’m fine with dad being a woman, I’m just not sure about his new TV Show Ron Paul’s Drag Race” said Rand.

“I would say I’ve always been confused with my gender identity since I’ve been this big” – Paul

“I’ve always been on the more conservative side,”  told Diane Sawyer while giving President Obama credit for being the first president to use the word “transgender” in the State of the Union address.