After weighing and taking local man Tyler Smith’s blood pressure (because that’s necessary for a vasectomy consultation) local nurse Kira Jennings attempted to infringe on Smith’s unalienable right to choose to get a vasectomy. A sacred right granted to him by the United States Supreme Court after the landmark case Joe v. Aunt Julie.

“I just love your daughter so much, are you sure you really want to go through with this? Have you considered all of your options, like doing it for me and your random aunt and uncle you only see twice a year who won’t bother raising the child you’ll be stuck raising for the next 18 years?” Nurse Jennings said to Smith with a scowl.

Smith responded quickly with “keep your office policies off of my body! Listen Kira, if I made a child every time someone asked me about when I’m having my second, I’d have more children than Vikings player Adrian Peterson. And unlike Peterson, I’d actually see them before they passed away in the hospital!”

As Smith left the clinic, protesters outside heckled him and told him he’s going to hell for his choice to have a vasectomy.

“You’re killing millions of innocent children!!” One protester shouted with a sign stating each ejaculation a man makes contains over 100 million individual sperm. “Any one of those sperm could go on to become the second coming of Christ, a future president or Kyle from Accounting!” Another protester stated.

Smith was last seen at home, holding a pack of frozen green peas against his groin while playing video games.